ME1: Meet the Commander
by Mystical Ninja Unicorns
Summary: This is a bunch of story stuff I wished happened in Mass Effect (Just an idea I'm working on.) My character is Ruthless and Earth-born and runs with gangs. Blah Blah Blah Read!
1. Epilogue: Meet The Commander

"Commander Shepard. Alliance Navy." Her green eyes glinted in the dark. "Care to explain why yall are out here?"

The three thugs shook violently in fear as the woman crossed her arms. A wicked grin was beginning to crawl the corners of her lips. They couldn't see her face or body in the dark night, but her eyes glowed like emeralds. She wore no armor, just a grey pair of tight jeans, black military combat boots that all soldiers get and a tight black tank top that was an inch above her belly button and showed off her abs and tight stomach.

She knew exactly why they were there, she just liked to screw with cowardly thugs, and see their answers.

"Just delivering a package, maim." One stuttered.

"Well aren't you sweet." She said in a voice that chilled their spines. Then she pulled out her heavy pistol from her thigh sheath and pointed the gun at the closest man to her, an arm length away. Her arm was in the light and was covered in a tattoo that looked a dragon that curled around her arm from the elbow to her wrist with a red background and some other things. She pulled the trigger and his head exploded all over the other thugs.

"Now, one more chance," She pointed it at the next thug. "Answer the question without lying and I might not kill him."

"We're smuggling a weapon!" The thug bursted out, sweating, with the gun to his head. "It's just a rare sniper gun, nothing big."

"Let me see it." Her face darkened. One thug gave it to her, the gun pointed at himself. She quickly grabbed it and admired it.

It was white and powerful, nothing she seen before but definitely new and expensive. "Thanks." She smiled and pulled both triggers, killing one of them and severely wounding they other's belly. "Tell your leader that if he wants to smuggle weapons, he better contact me first and get my approval, understand? He already fucked up my wonderful night."

The other thug nodded, gripped his wound and limped away in pain. She walked away, her tight ponytail flowing in the wind.

XXX

The alarm clock drilled her ears as she opened an eye to the sun. Her small room's white walls glowed from the reflecting sunlight. She groaned and threw a pillow at the alarm clock. It landed with a hard crack on the white floor, but didn't shut off.

She stood up, her black plaid pajama pants swished at her ankles. It had been six weeks since Torfan and she hadn't had a real mission since. Captain Anderson said he wanted her on his ship and crew since her last commanding officer went psycho as he watched her kill every single batarian on that godforsaken moon. She dealt with the issue and that was that. People called her ruthless and claim she was a 'cold-hearted bitch' and she was, but she had a personality too. Fear was better than fame, and at least someone listened to her now.

Today she had to get ready for leaving and being on a ship for a couple of months with her old commanding officer and mentor, Captain Anderson. When she was involved in gangs on Earth, Anderson whipped out her whole entire crew. But when he saw her capabilities as she lay bleeding on the dirty ground, still shooting at him. He brought her to a med bay, had her fixed up, and asked that she joined the military. She agreed but only because she was going to die if she stayed, being crewless and damaged, a lot of people on Earth wanted her dead.

She grabbed a cloth backpack and placed a couple of outfits and military uniforms, heels, and a white box with packets of tobacco leaves and other 'herbs' that she would put in her 'healthy' electro-cigarette. She had an implant that absorbed the nicotine and made a different, harmless but relaxing chemical that was a lot better than the effects for nicotine, the problem was it was almost as addicting as nicotine. She brushed her purple, a little longer than the shoulders, hair then pulled it into a tight ponytail, putting her brush, toothbrush, toothpaste, and other little things in her cloth book bag. She opened the fridge to find a beer and one egg. That was okay, since she was going to leave the Citadel for a while, after all her shore leave ended last night and she was to 'report to the Normandy' at noon that day. It was nine.

She grabbed her electro-cigarette and clicked it on. Taking a big, long drag of tasteless, soothing water vapor, she grabbed an egg and her beer. She began to fry the egg as she opened her beer, letting the white vapor blow out of her nose. She put the cigarette over her ear, took a sip of her beer, and flipped the egg, only putting salt and pepper on it.

She took another drag and smiled. She'd been only using it for a month and it was like a life saver. After Torfan, she needed something to relax, she was always on edge and probly from all the pain and shit she got from that suicide mission. She did it, and now she's respected. Now it's time to get back in business, Shepard thought, smiling to herself.

She sat there in her pajamas flipping her egg, smoking her cigarette, and drinking her beer. This was the last day she would ever be able to relax for a while, but it was… nice.

"Shepard," A dark voice said to her left. "You stole my gun."

"Wasn't your gun, Drake, and you know that. You stole it and I… liberated it from those dirty thug's hands." Shepard smiled.

Drake barked a laugh. "Hope it serves you well in your next mission, heard it was gonna be a while til I see your ass again."

"Yup." Shepard said, turning off the burner and turning around. She handed the lanky twenty-year-old her beer and took a small drag before switching it off and putting it behind her ear. Drake smiled, his grey eyes lighting up at the beer before chugging half of it. "Take care of my crew for me, get the exchange done and call me if goes wrong."

"Alright, but next time I send my thugs to get me a nice gun, don't kill them all."

"You didn't confirm it with me." Shepard frowned. "I had a couple of my guys doing a quiet burglary and your guys fucked it up, and caused attention to that district. If you'd have told me, you would have your gun and I would be a few credits richer." She scowled.

"Alright fine," He put up his hands a sign of surrender. "I'll take care of shit, okay?"

"You better." Shepard said in her threating voice. "Or I'll kill your crew again."

"You don't play around do you?" Drake gave her a half smile and finished her beer.

"You know me, Drake." Shepard said, pulling off her pants and eating her egg with a fork out of the pan.

"You know…" Drake said, wrapping his arms around her. "You never did let me say good bye properly last night, I bet we can fit some time in."

Shepard, as much as she liked Drake, hissed at the idea. She didn't have any time. "Get your hands off me, before I stab your fucking leg with my fork." She finished her egg and pushed him away, slipping on her pants from last night after smelling them. Still wearing her shirt from last night as well, she threw her pajama pants in her cloth book bag, and tied it shut.

"I'm gonna miss you." Drake said softly. Drake was secretly in love with Shepard. True, they did sleep together a couple of times, but they didn't really have anything official, he didn't believe Shepard had any feelings for… well anyone. He knew that it would only end in hurt anyway.

"Yah, I'll miss you too." Shepard said, slinging her back pack over her shoulder and slipped on her boots. "There's some ice cream in the freezer, finish that for me…" Shepard said, walking to the door and packing her weapons. "And try not to come into my apartment often, just pay the rent with the money I give you. And no parties, you have your own apartment." She smiled. "I'll throw my own when I get back."

"If you get back…" Drake said sadly.

"I'm coming back, I don't die easily, and you know that." Shepard smiled, hoping she was right.

XXX

"So what's this Commander like, Captain?" Joker asked as they docked in the Citadel.

"One hell of a soldier, great personality, loyal." He simply said as the ship stopped.

"Why are you so interested, Joker?" Kaiden asked, looking over at him from his co-pilot seat.

"Been a while since I made a new friend." Joker smiled, pretending to wipe away a tear.

Kaiden looked away smiling. A knock at the Airlock said that the Commander had arrived. Joker opened it and a young woman stepped through. She had purple hair pulled back and a tattoo on her collar bone of a snake that crawled up to her neck, and what looked like names that were swirling around in a fancy font around her left bicep, while her right arm had a sleeve tattoo of a dragon. She wasn't wearing her uniform, but that wasn't exactly going to be enforced yet. A gun was strapped to her leg.

Her face had high cheek bones, piecing green eyes, and smooth, healthy skin that fit her face right. Her lips were rosy and soft, and curved into a smile as she saw Anderson.

"Permission to come aboard…" She paused. "Captain?"

Anderson smiled. "Granted, Commander. I'll lead you to your personal captain and-"

"I won't be sleeping with the rest of the crew?" She slightly frowned.

Anderson smiled. "Problem, soldier?"

"Nope." Her eyes looked over his shoulder at Kaiden and Joker before returning to Anderson.

"And…" Anderson continued. "I want you in your uniform before we leave for Eden Prime."

"Got it, Captain." She saluted to him before relaxing. "Seems you've been busy, Anderson."

He smiled. "We got to catch up some time, Shepard."

"Over a beer?" She smiled like a wicked child.

"No." Anderson walked away and she followed.

XXX

Shepard walked into the cockpit with her electro-cigarette hanging from her mouth and a data pad in her hand. She was in her uniform, but her shirt was a thick white tank top instead of the usual uniform short-sleeve shirts. "Anderson wants an update," she said, not looking up from what she was doing.

Joker smiled. "I sent him one a half-hour ago."

She smiled, putting down her data pad. "Yah, well, if this was my ship, I'd want an update every five minutes."

"Glad you're not in charge." Joker smiled, and Shepard smiled with him.

She breathed in deep through her cigarette and looked over. "You don't mind do you?"

Joker shook his head. "Nah, as long as Anderson doesn't mind."

"Yah…" Shepard said looking around her. "About that…-"

"Joker." Anderson voice drilled through the radio. "I sent Shepard to tell you about getting a report, is she there?"

"Yes, Captain, I'll send it in a minute."

"Good..." Anderson said, seemingly relaxed, then paused. Shepard, thinking he was done, let out a breath of white vapor. "Is Shepard smoking again?"

Joker looked over to a hysterical Shepard. She made of motion of shaking her head and cutting her arm across her throat as a sign of no.

"No, Captain." Joker said smiling over at her.

The radio simply clicked off.

"I owe you one…" Shepard smiled, taking another drag as she sat in other co-pilot seat and clicked off the controls. She placed her legs on the console and laid back in her chair, releasing a long breath.

"So, Commander, care if I ask a few questions?" Joker asked.

"Ask away." She smirked out of the corner of her mouth before breathing in again.

"People say your pretty amazing… why's that?"

"What, you didn't read my service record?" Shepard opened her eyes to slits.

"I don't have access to that crap."

"I went on a moon named Torfan and slaughtered a shit load of batarian pirates, by myself. Apparently that's amazing."

"And before you were on Torfan?"

"I was a lieutenant before, killed a shit load of people on a shit's pay and was mostly picked to take shots for the others. I didn't mind, after a while, you get use to the pain."

"Did you get shot in Torfan?"

"Hell yeah I did!" Shepard stands up, puts her back to Joker, and pulls up her tank top, showing of her muscle-packed back.

There was a tattoo of black angel wings on her shoulder blades but the right side was ruined from three bullet scars and a blade scar that was on her bottom rib and curved til it hid from view.

"Looks painful." Kaiden observed.

"Fuck yeah, it was." Shepard drops her shirt and turned around. "But honestly I was more pissed 'cause they ruined my tat."

"What happened down there?" Kaiden asked, more into her story now.

"I was doing as I was ordered to kill every batarian breathing. My command decided that they let a couple who surrendered live. So we got our back to them as we're finishing off a small den. They pull out hidden guns and start killing my crew, one by one. Eventually it just me and my commander who snapped at how many marines were dead under his command, so he just kinda went on his own way while I was busy in a knife fight with another guy, I get shot three times in the back. I turn around, and the guy slashed his blade through my crappy armor. I fall to the ground and I got a gun to my head, and I'm starting to think it's all over then one of the wounded marines from my squad kills all three batarians and then died. I was the only on left after that and I'm all fucked up in pain. Eventually, I was stuck with one option either died on that moon or I drive the shuttle we arrived with into the AA gun's battery, which would wipe out all the batarians and most likely me. I chose the latter."

"You could have escaped off the shuttle." Kaiden suggested.

"And would have been shot done by the AA gun." She smiled. "In the end, I was forced in front of the explosion and landed in a ditch. My luck, right? Of corse after that I had extreme burns, three shots in the shoulder, and bled more than any normal human could survive, so I blacked out and woke up on a hospital, and then was forced to take shore leave."

"Forced?" Joker smiled.

"Oh yeah, I was patched up and when I healed enough I wanted another assignment but Anderson forced me to take shore leave." She smiled, turning off her cigarette and placing it behind her ear. "He said that he would discharged me himself if I didn't take shore leave but he also offered to take a couple of missions with an amazing ship and crew. So I took the offer."

"Did he happen to mention his amazing pilot?"

"Oh… yeah," Shepard put on a sexy, half smirk, a mischievous grin on her face. "But he never told me how god damn sexy you were." She smiled, winked, and then patted Joker's cheek before leaving.

"Damn." Joker said, smiling over to Kaiden.

Kaiden nodded and smiled back. "Damn." He agreed.

**Author's Note:**

_First, I don't know who to romance with my Shepard (No I don't know any downloadable content characters) and Second, Reviews on suggestions and all the crap would be nice thanks :)_


	2. Ch1 The Effects of Street Life

_After reading an amazing fan fiction about Shepard having a mental issue with living on the streets, I was like 'whoa, my character would be awesome with this because it fits in so well.' I plan on doing something entirely different with a different disorder a researched and chosen good disorder for her. Also to save confusion, this is like the kick start of Kaidan and Shepard's romance in Chapter 2. Also hold onto this chapter while reading my ME3 fan fiction because it has a huge role to play then. I need reviews on how this is cause I don't know if it fits good with Chapter 2 and whether or not I should add to Chapter 2. Anyways enjoy._

**The Effects of Street Life**

_A few days before Eden Prime…_

Everyone ate in silence in the Mess Hall. Commander Shepard picked at her food, not eating a bite of it. She was so use to starving that she barely noticed it, in fact it was kind of a comfort, one of the few things in her childhood that felt real, that she wasn't dreaming.

Anderson was on the other side of the table, watching her out of the corner of his eye. He was like a father to her, always watching her with that worried expression, he was afraid for her mental state concerning when he found her. Dirty and broken.

_Shepard bled intensely. She was shot three times in the gut and on in her right leg, but she didn't really feel it. She also didn't feel the shrapnel lodged a little deep in her throat and eyebrow and her left side from a shrapnel grenade. She felt numb as the blood poured out of her, slowly draining her life away. Gotta keep fighting, is what her mind told her. She rolled over and found a pair of legs in front of her. She gripped her gun and pointed up. Eventually her head followed, and she looked up at the darkly skinned man who had a caring look in his eye. Finally her arm collapsed and she couldn't help but look up. She tasted blood in her mouth, which poured out of mouth._

"_Shouldn't you be dead?" He asked, looking down at her. She rolled on her back as he looked down at her blood face. She was fading slowly. _

"_Go to hell." She croaked and went close her eyes as she let herself enter oblivion._

"_Wait!" He crouched. "Stay awake! Stay with me!" He saw the making of a good soldier in her. _

_Slowly, events on the past hour slowly filled her mind. Her group of smugglers that she worked for quickly died off and she ended up fighting five trained soldiers by herself for another hour. Eventually she just gave up as she lay there in a pool of her own blood, looking up._

"_I… don't need you." She barely whispered as he picked her up. _

"_Right now, you need a medic." His voice slowly became a blur. She would have lasted a little longer, but she was intoxicated in drugs too. Before the attack her and her smuggler 'friends' were getting high on a new chemical. It made things sludgy and you felt like you could fly. Her lungs began twitching, blowing air in and out in mere seconds. _

_A pain in her chest made her scream in pain. She twitched but nothing helped, not with her too weak to claw at her own chest._

"_Make it stop… make it… stop." She struggled to say. _

"_Here," He injected a needle in her skin. "It's a sedative." _

"_What… that some kind of drug…" She smiled. "I'm good with… drugs." She passed out._

_When she woke up, white walls blinded her. She was completely sober which she hadn't been in a long time. It felt… weird. Everything was so clear and not funny. A beeping drilled her ears. _

"_Someone… shut that shit up." She at first thought she was back at her 'apartment' an abandon apartment building and that someone came into her house and played loud music to wake her up. _

_A woman chuckled. "You're at the hospital, sweetie."_

_As memories flowed back into her mind, her eyes slowly opened. "Fuck." She mumbled. As she went to sit up, a nurse lightly grabbed her shoulders and guided her back down. _

"_It's fine." She said. "You're safe here."_

"_I'm safe nowhere." She said menacingly. _

_That dark skinned man walked in the room and she glared at him. "Why didn't you let me die!?" She screamed. "I would have been happier!"_

_He waved the nurse out of the room and she closed the door behind her. "You should join the Alliance, you would be a great soldier."_

"_I'm not a soldier, I'm a dirty, worthless piece of trash and everyone knows that I am. Most remind me!" She half laughed and then went back to being angry. "Who do you think you are!?"_

"_My name is Anderson, and I want you to join the Alliance."_

"_I would be better off dead." She sneered._

"_You would be better in the Alliance," He pushed. "I want to help you."_

_The words stung her. "I don't need your help!" She shouted._

"_Clearly you do." He said coolly. _

"_You know nothing about me!" _

"_But I want to." He said, "Give it a few days, and if you want to let me know, just ask a nurse for me."_

Shepard entered reality again. Except something was different.

_No one loves you…_

A voice whispered in her right ear, and she tilted her head. She knew exactly who was talking to her. Her mother. She remembered everything about her, because she was the one to kick her out of a moving car, into the streets. She had long, red, wavy hair and blue-green eyes. Shepard almost looked like a spitting image of her mother. She hated it. "You're wrong." She whispered a little loudly. Shepard didn't notice the eyes on her.

_You know I'm right…_ Her venom hurt her internal fight once more. She suddenly felt a pain in her left side. She gripped in and winced in pain as she looked down. She thought she saw blood on her hands. _… No one will ever love a monster like you… your nothing… _

"Shut up." The pain in her side grew so she grunted it out through her gritted teeth. The pain was like being stabbed over and over again. Shepard could barely breathe now, so she breathed faster and shallower as she tried to ignore the pain. Anything to get rid of the pain. Someone was calling her name.

_You were better off dead…_ She said, _I hope you live every day in pain for the rest of your life, knowing that no one loves you. Maybe finally you'll be strong enough to end it… But you'll never be strong enough your weak!_

"Shut up!" She shouted and then everything was clear. She thought she might black out, but she calmed down. Finally she heard her name more clearly.

"Shepard!" It was Anderson. He was crouched next to her and she looked around wildly. Everyone was staring at her. "Are you okay?" She didn't answer, just thought, her mind crumbling and then being rebuilt. She looked down at her side she was holding, there wasn't even a red mark. "Shepard, are you okay?" He asked again, now lightly shaking her.

She looked at him. "I'm okay." She breathed and got up, leaving her untouched food behind. Anderson followed.

Kaidan was slightly confused. Shepard never really talked to anyone just gave commands when needed but never was friends with anyone on the crew. When she talked with Anderson or joked she smiled and laughed, and was cocky. But now she had a look of terror on her face she looked to her right and then her left side and back to her right. Finally Anderson stood up and crouched beside her, and she answered back and left. Kaidan was suddenly worried for a commander he barely knew.

XXX

_The car hummed as Shepard sat in the passenger seat. She looked down at her small body, she was wearing her favorite pink dress that an old lady gave her for free. It was pink with little flowers on it. She held her stuffed bunny; it was white with a red heart for a noise. It smiled at her encouragingly. She was six, and talking sweetly to her bunny, Lily._

"_Mom, Lily is wondering where we're going?" She said, smiling at her. Her mom had an unreadable face with eyes focus on one feeling, one feeling she didn't know… at that age. _

_She usually smiled when she talked to Shepard. "Somewhere special, just for you, Abbey."_

"_Is there ice cream and other bunnies like Lily?" She was excited to get there. _

_A little while later, she slowed down a bit, and said, "We're here, go on and get out, Abigail." _

"_You haven't stopped yet mommy." Shepard was confused._

_Something twitched across her face and she speed up a little. "Don't need to…" She raised one leather, high heel boot and kicked Shepard in the left side. Her door was already unlocked and she opened it right when she kicked Shepard. She went flying out and fell. Lily landed in a puddle while Shepard rolled in the mud, on pavement. She looked up and saw her mother kept driving. She grabbed Lily and tried to keep up, screaming 'mommy come back'. Tear rolled down her face as she realized she was alone. _

Shepard gasped and breathed heavily. She looked around her silent sleeper pod. It said it was around 11:00 and she just slept at 8:00. She hardly slept because of nightmares like those. They plagued her mind and were determined to drive her crazy. She pushed the button on her right and the glass slide down. She stepped out and realized that, she felt extremely tired. She trudged to her foot locker to find that Kaidan Alenko was in front of his. She breathed out deeply and walked up to hers which was two lockers down from his.

"Evening, commander." He said, looking at her.

"Evening." She sighed. She felt like shit. "Why are you up, lieutenant?" She asked, more for the sake of conversation then kicked herself for even bothering.

_He probly thinks you're crazy like all the rest_…. Her mind told her.

Surprised a little, he answered, "Just had lots of stuff to do."

She nodded into her locker, looking for something to do. "Why are you up?" He asked curiously.

"I usually don't sleep, and when I do…" She caught herself before she even dared to get cozy and wimpy with a man she barely knew. She knew better, remembering the only man she got close to and how he broke her into a bunch of little pieces and betrayed her.

"And when you do…?" His eyebrows furrowed.

She breathed out. "Nothing, never mind."

"You know, you don't have to keep everything in a bubble." He said, lightly putting his hand on her shoulder.

She shook his hand off and glared at him. "And you don't have worry about me," and then she crossed her arms and looked at him. "I mean, you barely know me, is this just to get in my pants?" She asked. Wanting to hate him more than anything, but she couldn't she just wanted him to hold her. She glanced at his body and then felt unsure. Before he could defend himself she let out a noise between a grunt and a roar and hissed. "Just shut up." She left after slamming her locker. She didn't need this crap.

XXX

She punched the punching bag furiously. Everyone was up now and she was working out all night. She punched furiously, not even using gloves, making her knuckles pink and irritated. Her music was loud, playing some band she used to listen to on the streets. Then she remembered the last time she heard them.

_She walked into an alleyway with five different men playing with their knives and staring at her like she was a piece of meat. The band played in the background as a concert was going. She was 12 at the time with a purple sweater that was knitted and had a large pocket and a hood. She wore tight skinny jeans that were stained twice as much as her sweater and shoes with the right one having a hole in the big toe and patched up with duct tape, a hidden knife was in it as well. Her rose blonde hair was half way down her back, with clumps of dirt stuck in it, and her face was covered in dirt. She was like a skeleton, with no sleep and no food for over a couple of days._

_She was delivering drugs to a Pablo who she barely did business with and only worked for him once. She walked up to the half-Mexican man with his hair pulled back in a tail and his black eyes and always reminded her of Hell. He had credit card, something a tech-specialist would make where you had endless credits, and she looked at it hungrily as it poked out of his back pocket. _

_He turned around and he held out his hand. She reached into her sweatshirt pocket and pulled out two vials, each a different chemical that you would combine and it would give off a gas that you breathed in. _

_He frowned and looked down at her. "I was promised four times as much as this." He glared at her, "Are you stealing from me, bitch?"_

_She took a step back, "No, no, he's bringing more later, I was just told to bring you that."_

"_Bullshit," He jerked his head as a signal to his men. "Search her."_

_They patted her down and then pushed her in the mud. Pablo stepped on her hand with all his weight. She swore it was breaking. "She's clean."_

_Pablo put more weight on her hand as he squatted down to her. "Now, you tell The Man that if he doesn't want me to shoot pieces of your corpse in his territory that to finish the deal, or we'll get it ourselves." He had his men pick her up on her feet and she looked at the new stain on her sweater. "Get the fuck out."_

"_Aren't you going to pay me?" She asked._

"_Why would I?" He laughed._

"_I don't know, every heard of Charity or having a heart." She sneered. "And if you want all your drugs, you'll give me my pay. Or I'll never deliver anything to you and just keep it for myself as payment from you." She was scared as fuck, but didn't show it._

_He laughed again and then grabbed her by the collar, holding a knife to the back of her left ear. "What stops me from killing your worthless hide?"_

"_You'll lose business with The Man and a hundred thousand credits worth of chemicals." She said. She was slowly grabbing her knife from her shoe. He pulled her from the wall and slammed her down hard. He slowly cut her. _

"_Or I could torture the fuck out of you and then have my men and me have a little fun with your slowly dying corpse. How you like that, you little slut, to be used and then thrown away, just like you were born to do, you worthless piece of shit." _

_Shepard grabbed the knife in her shoe and pointed it at his gut. "Fuck you." She said, she stabbed his, over and over, until his middle section was a glob of flesh. _

_His men ran out of the alley and two police men came to investigate the commotion. She grabbed his card and ran. A police man tried to grab her but she stabbed him in the leg and ran. She went to familiar alleyways and somehow got away. Adrenaline flowed through her veins as she looked down at a puddle. She now had a record. She was wanted for murder and smuggling. She was cut from behind her left ear to the hilt of her jaw, but she was covered with mud and blood, so she went to the abandon apartment building that she living in. She used the sink and a little soap she found to wash out the blood and washed her face. As the adrenaline faded away she began to shake as she realized that she killed her first man. Suddenly she felt cold inside and it's never gone away since._

Shepard punched the punching bag with a mighty blow and it fell down at her feet, she rubbed the scar under her ear as she looked down at the bag. And when she looked up, Kaidan was standing right in front of her.

"Hey." He said, slightly worried about Shepard. She had a look of anger on her face that was quickly gone when she first saw him.

"Hey." She said like she didn't care, even though inside her she wanted to beat Kaidan with a stick for not leaving her alone. She grabbed her beer and drank it, now warm and flat, but still the sting of alcohol was just what she needed right now. "Need something?" She asked.

"I…" He thought for a moment. "You know, you have people to talk to right?"

She shook her head. "I trust no one, not even Anderson, it's healthier that way."

"No it's not." He frowned. "It's a horrible way of living."

"Hey, you like it or you don't, not my problem." She shrugged.

"Would you just talk straight with me?" Kaidan slightly snapped, and then he got his anger under control again.

Shepard looked him up and down then sighed. "Fine, you wanna get all nice with me?" Her demeanor changed from calm to pissed. "I'm fucked up! I know what I am and how people look at me! I don't need people that care like you, who want to help, I can handle myself!" She spread out her arms like a hug. "I don't need a shoulder, or a man, to keep me happy, I take care of myself."

"But wouldn't it be nice to have a shoulder anyway." Kaidan asked.

"You know what, fine; I'll be you 'friend' I'll let you get to know me, and all I ask is you stop bugging me about it." She crossed her arms and glared at him.

Kaidan nodded. "Fine."

Unknown to both of them that their bond would be unbreakable. After Eden Prime her PTSD went away for a bit, she still had nightmares, but with Kaidan there it wasn't so bad.


	3. Ch2 The Spark of a Romance

_Right so after some very strong reviews about a Kaidan romance I decided to do one and make a Joker romance for a different character later (maybe). This is my Kaidan romance and I'm going to start it off before Virmire and end it a little after the ending of Mass Effect. Please enjoy and I hope you're happy, strongly opinionated reviews ;). _

**The Spark of a Romance**

Kaidan rubbed his eyes as he woke up in the crew's quarters. He felt groggy and tired from another night of trying to sleep, giving up, and then eventually falling asleep out of exhaustion. He couldn't stop thinking about Shepard. Her smile, her personality, …her body. He always wondered if her smiley flirting is harmless fun to pass time, or something meaningful. They both knew much about each other, and he admired the way she turned out while fighting for her life in the streets, but yet they both shied away from romance. It was torturous for him, for this was a new, light feeling for the both of them.

He sighed, and sat up, rolling his shoulders before pushing himself off his bed and grabbing a towel. He was only wearing sweatpants and boxers underneath that. He liked to get up real early and get a quick shower before anyone could see him. Grabbing a uniform from his footlocker, he put the towel over his shoulder and walked over to the shower part of the ship.

He walked down the hallway, his bare feet slapping against the floor when he heard a clicking noise. He frowned and turned the corner to see Ashley, Shepard, and Joker hanging around the Mess Hall. Shepard and Ashley were doing push-ups and Joker was leaning against the table counting. They both sweat with effort as they both tried to outdo the other.

"275… 276… 277…" Joker said, smiling slightly.

"Tired yet, Commander?" Ashley panted.

Shepard laughed weakly, her hair in a half ponytail mess as she smiled at the ground. Her dog tag hitting the ground, and making that clicking noises Kaidan heard. "Are you kidding? I'm just getting started."

"281... 282… 283…" Joker sighed and shook his head. "Why don't you guys call it a tie? 289… 290…"

"Nah, we're settling this right now." Shepard said.

"What are you guys doing?" Kaidan asked.

Shepard's head shoot up, and at the sight of Kaidan, her grip slipped and she fell on her face. "Kaidan." She whispered, jumping up.

"Ha! I win!" Ashley said, doing a couple more push-ups before getting up.

Shepard looked like a mess. She wore PJs and a loose tank-top, and her face and body was red and burning with sweat.

"They were seeing who could do the most push-ups but then you showed up." Joker smiled at the oblivious of the feelings between them.

"What are you doing?" Shepard asked, scanning his chest as if she were eating soup. An image flashed in her mind, of her running her hands all over his chest and feeling the firm, warm muscles beneath her cool palms. She quickly pushed that image away and hoped her eyes didn't reveal anything.

"I was… taking a shower and now I'm… standing here." Kaidan said then mentally kicking himself.

Shepard smiled lightly. "Well that sounds like a wonderful idea." She quickly ran to her quarters and grabbing her uniform and a towel. She then walked with him to the shower room.

"Do you think they'll ever get together?" Ashley asked, looking at Joker as they turned a corner.

"At this rate… no." Joker shrugged.

The shower room was a long room with two rows of showers and drains. The stalls were low enough that you could see the other person's face and upper chest next to you, but spaced enough so that was all you saw. Shepard got into the stall across from Kaidan's usual spot and began to undress, just as he did.

"So what's new, Kaidan?" She asked as she turned on the shower. He looked down where he could see her hairless, shiny shines and elegant ankles. Her left one had a simple tribal tattoo that surrounded it and a bracelet over it that was made of white and black string along with some small purple beads and weaved like a diamond. Her toes were painted black with purple sparkles and looked fresh. He remembered Liara mentioning something about painting her nails with Shepard for fun while watching a movie. Her imagined feeling her long, skinny legs as they wrapped around him, and then he pushed that image down like Shepard had before.

Shepard took out her knot of a ponytail and brushed it out as water glided down it. "Nothing…" He answered after a while. "Just… showering."

Shepard smiled again. "Me too, we should do this more often." Her back was to him and her hair flowed like water down her back, as it was filtered of dirt, blood, and sweat. Her looked at her bullet scars again and the other light white scars that littered her back, from implants, knives, and other things. He studied the wings on her back that were tattooed there intently.

"Thinking about getting a tattoo, Kaidan?" She smiled. "You would look good with a sleeve, or maybe a neck tattoo. Maybe that Alliance symbol on your ass."

He chuckled. "And would you be giving me an ass tattoo, or just giving me advice on what to get?"

"Oh, I don't wanna tattoo that, I wanna _**bite**_ that." Shepard and Kaidan laughed, Kaidan laughing the hardest.

"Uh, listen Shepard; I want to tell you that-"

"Commander." Joker's voice boomed over the speaker. "We're going to be a Virmire in an hour, get ready soon."

"Got it," Shepard said, rinsing out the shampoo in her hair. "We'll have to talk later, Kaidan, hold that thought."

XXX

Shepard carried Kaidan close as they ran on the ship. She handed him over to medics waiting and they were forced to let each other's hand go. She then rushed off to the bridge.

"Joker, we got to go back to get Ashley!" Shepard practically shouted.

"Sorry, Commander, but if we don't leave now, we're going to all end up like Ashley."

"I can save her, just let me try!" Shepard shouted.

"No, commander you can't." Joker scowled at her and they left the orbit of Virmire.

"But-" The bomb went off on Virmire and Shepard was cut off. She then turned on her heel and left, like the argument never happened. She eventually began running to the Med Bay to check on Kaidan.

When she got there, the Doctor was sewing up his wound. He was shot, clean through his armor, and was still bleeding. "Don't worry, Commander, he'll be patched up and ready to go in less than an hour."

Shepard just simply breathed roughly twice, he eyes wide as she saw Kaidan wounded, before she walked away, not saying a word. Kaidan worried for her, more than she worried for him, he presumed.

She walked out in the hall, still in her armor, and ripped off her helmet and threw it against a wall. It hit with a crack then fell as she rushed off, her chest in extreme pain for all the emotions she kept bubbled up. She went into her cabin and began to violently to rip off her armor. She landed on her bed with her uniform all ruffled as she began to grab her cigarette and began to smoke it in large puffs.

She couldn't handle it. She wanted to tear the skin off her chest and rip out her heart to escape the pain she felt. She wanted to scream, to cry, to punch someone in the face, to kill something. She hurt but yet was cold and numb all over. She never lost someone who she called friend before and she couldn't handle it. She could handle a soldier she never knew, but a friend. And then a thought torturously formed in her head.

What if Kaidan were next?

The pain grew so much that she turned, put her face in the pillow and screamed. She did it over and over, until she couldn't feel her vocal cords any more. Finally she stopped and went back to smoking her cigarette.

As she lay there broken.

XXX

Kaidan breathed in shallow breathes as his wound seared as his chest moved. They put medi-gel on it and it gave him a tingly feeling on his wound but it still hurt a little. He quietly knocked on the door to Shepard's cabin. He held her helmet close as he looked down at it. He could smell her hair from it, along with the faint smell of sweat.

"Come in." Her voice was barely audible through the door.

He opened it to see her armor on the ground and her laying on the bed. The white mist flew from her mouth as she laid there with her eyes closed.

"You… uh, dropped this… maim." Kaidan almost died from the crushed figure before him.

"Just throw it somewhere." Shepard said, sitting up slowly. "I wanna say something, Kaidan." She stood up and walked to him, as he walked to her, laying her cigarette on her desk. He put the helmet on the other end of the desk and they looked at each other in the eye. They both hurt from the loss they experienced.

Finally she took a step forward and her knees crumbled. He caught her and held her tight. She laid her head on his chest and listened to his heart beat quicken. Her eyes were closed tight as she tried hard not to cry.

Kaidan brushed away her hair. "Shepard, I-"

"Kaidan…" She sighed, grabbing his hand and putting it to her cheek. "I don't wanna lose no one else, but I know I will… and I want to tell you, before I lose you-"

"You will never lose me; I will try that as hard I can to live, if only for you." Kaidan's thumb rubbed her cheek bones.

Shepard raised her head, her feeling slipping away, as well as her barrier that protected her emotions. She took a deep breath and got to her feet. "Thank you…" She softened. "Kaidan, you're special to me." She admitted.

Kaidan filled with warmth and picked her off her feet and held her tight. "You're special to me, too."

She let out a breath and smiled into his shoulder. Her stress melting away…

XXX

Noveria's snow was cold as it hit against her helmet. They were waiting for Garrus to scope out the entrance to the facility. She looked over at Kaidan, with his back was to her, with a wicked smile on her face. She quickly grabbed at the bright snow and made a snowball. She threw it at Kaidan and it hit him in the back of the head. He turned around and Shepard pretended she didn't do anything as she turned around. He smiled and shook his head then turned around. Shepard then grabbed another snowball. But, right when she threw it, Kaidan turned around and it hit him in the face. He then kicked snow at her and threw a snowball back at her. She laughed and then ran at him, and they rolled in the snow together. Kaidan ended up on top and was able to pin her down. They laughed merrily and touched helmets. Their eyes crinkled as they smiled together.

XXX

Shepard walked into the Normandy coved in Thorian goo. Kaidan looked at her and started laughing. He had gotten sick that morning and then recovered while Shepard was out in Feros. She trudged back in with a frown on her face and pale skin. The Chiper was doing its job inside her mind, but it was taking the little energy she had. She left a trail of sticky Thorian foot prints as Kaidan rounded the corner.

A smile broke out on his face. "Rough day?" He laughed.

"You don't wanna know." She shook her head and smiled back. "I'm going to need new armor… and a bath." Then she smiled wickedly. "You know, I missed you terribly, how 'bout a hug?"

"No, I'm good." Kaidan backed away.

"No, no, no, you really deserve a hug, Kaidan." She then began to walk faster towards him.

Kaidan turned on his heel and ran. They laughed merrily as Shepard chased him throughout the ship. She splattered goo as she chased him throughout the ship, on the walls and fellow crewman. Finally she tackled him and they slid a foot before landing in the middle of Mess Hall. She held him close and rubbed her body against his, spreading goo all over him.

She pushed herself up and separated them with strings of goo still attaching them. "Good to see you to, Commander."

"Commander?" She smiled. "You really are new to breaking regulations." She kissed him on the cheek, leaving goo and the warmth of her lips.

XXX

Kaidan walked around the corner to Mess Hall after taking a long shower. He then noticed Shepard's door open and a light coming from it. He walked up to the door to see her sitting on her couch watching a carton movie.

"Do you ever sleep?" Kaidan asked. Shepard suddenly pointed a gun at him then relaxed.

"Holy fuck, Kaidan." She said, shoving the gun back in the couch and patting the seat next to her. They were on their way to the Citadel and it was one o'clock in the morning.

"What are you watching?" Kaidan had guessed for the movie was familiar.

"Shepard the Hero." She answered. "It's a movie about me at Torfan."

He watched it intently. Her cartoon character had purple hair and big green eyes a slightly lighter shade. She was bleeding and pushed against the wall of a ditch with a pistol in her hand and a sniper rifle at her feet. She spoke with a very good likeness of her voice, as she jumped out of cover. "Ha-ha, that's 326 for me!"

"We only got three men left," Someone yelled into her earpiece. "We need reinforcements!"

She put her two fingers to her ear. "You got me, you don't need reinforcements!" She smiled cockily then shot out from cover.

Kaidan watched the movie to the very end where it showed her sitting in a ditch, smoking her cigarette, with her sniper rifle over her shoulder. Her voice spoke when her character did not. "And they said I needed reinforcements!"

Kaidan smiled. "Is that what you really said?"

Shepard laughed. "Yes, except in the end, I was unconscious, but they said they wanted a happy ending, so I let them." She shrugged. "They did a good job, actually."

"So why do you watch movies about yourself?" Kaidan smiled, squeezing her with his arm that was behind her.

"What can I say? I am very vein." She smiled.

XXX

Shepard smiled as she relaxed in her seat. They had gotten to the Citadel earlier than the Council scheduled for them to meet so Kaidan and Shepard went out to eat. They were in one of the small restaurants that Kaidan favored.

It was a simple place for eating with simple choices of food and drink. She held her menu up to her face and gazed at Kaidan over the edge. They exchanged lustful glances as the decided what to order.

Finally, a blonde waitress with bubble gum in her mouth came over. "Hello, my name is- Oh my God! Is that you Kaidan?" She glanced at Shepard then hugged Kaidan, giving him a faceful of bosom. "I've missed you terribly! I hope you remember me, Kaidan! Remember, last shore leave you came back to my apartment and we had se-"

"Yes, I remember you, Tiffany." Kaidan said, pushing her off and blushing as he looked over at Shepard, who had a smirk on her face.

She gasped. "I thought we had a connection, but now you sleeping with her too?" She looked close to tears. "But we had such a good thing going!"

"We had sex, once! And we were both drunk." Kaidan said, blushing even more at Shepard's amusement.

She gasped, and Shepard spoke up. "You're what… 14?" She looked at Kaidan. "You know that's rape, right?" She pointed at Tiffany as she asked.

"I'm 21 and you're what… 35?" She asked her hand on her hip.

"28, turning 29 this year, and did he put a bag on your head or just do you doggy style?" Shepard asked cockily. "But then again, he was drunk." She looked over at him. "I thought you had better tastes."

He turned an even brighter red. "Shepard, I hope this doesn't come-"

"Shepard?" Tiffany gasped. "You mean, THE SHEPARD?!" She practically screamed. Every one there stopped and looked at Shepard.

"Yeah… I fucking hate fame." Shepard frowned as people around her started taking pictures of her.

"Oh my God, I am so sorry." Tiffany gasped. "I'll be the best waitress ever if you take a picture of us together!"

Shepard smiled and shook her head. "Why does every one ask me that?"

"I hope that means yes!" Tiffany put her arm around Shepard and took a picture on her phone. She then jumped up and ran off. "I'll be right back!" She screamed as people came up to her.

She looked over at Kaidan. "Sorry, next time I'll wear a fake mustache."

Just as Kaidan was about to respond, a geeky looking man came over, gave her a Sharpie and pulled down his pants. "Sign my ass?" He asked.

Shepard laughed hard and opened the Sharpie.

XXX

Shepard scowled as walked up to her locker. Udina sold her out and on the streets, the only way to repay that was with blood, and she intended to collect. She considered hunting him down and killing him and realized if she did, Saren would win. She yelled and punched her locker, leaving a giant dent in it. She slammed her back against the locker and slid down it. Kaidan walked up to her.

"Commander, I'm sorry about Udina." Kaidan said.

"Not now, Kaidan!" She shouted, her veins pulsed with adrenaline as she thought of ways to get out of this.

"Maybe I should take a step back." Kaidan said, frowning down at her.

She rubbed her temples. "Sorry, Kaidan. I'm just pissed."

He crossed his arms. "You're not going to give up are you?"

"In this whole entire time you've known me, have I ever given up?" She scowled at him. "I just got to think of something…" She frowned.

"You probly have something up your sleeve don't you? That what I lo- appreciate about you." He looked away, blushing a little. He then held out his hand and Shepard studied it, how it seemed warm and how she wanted it to rub her body all over. She grasped it and it quickly pulled her up, but it brought their bodies together. She felt the firmness of his shoulders and leaned in, hoping for something to release the pain she held for so long.

"Uh, Commander, I got a message for you." Joker said. Shepard rolled her eyes, of course.

"Go ahead." She looked over at Kaidan, who was taking a step back and smiling.

"Anderson wanted to meet you at Flux." Joker said, then clicking off.

Shepard took a step back, and looked at Kaidan. "I'm not done with you yet." Shepard kissed him on his cheek and walked away.

But just as Kaidan turned his back he heard Shepard say, "Fuck Joker!" and when he turned around she kissed him on the lips and turned around to walk away.

XXX

Kaidan swallowed as he walked into Shepard's cabin. She was wearing her uniform and was leaned back in her chair, smoking her electro-cigarette. She stood and turned off her cigarette. "Kaidan," She almost whispered. They both were thinking of the same thing.

What if I lose you tomorrow?

Before he could say something, Shepard sprinted to him and jumped on him. He landed against a wall, but didn't notice because they were kissing. Lustfully, passionately kissing and it felt good.

She pulled back. "Stay with me tonight, Kaidan?" She looked into his eyes.

He wasn't sure he could talk with his numb lips. "That an order, maim?" He uttered out.

"Get your ass into bed, Kaidan." She smiled and leaned in to taste him even more.

Shepard had her head rested on Kaidan's chest, rubbing one finger along his chest hair. "Damn, Kaidan." She smiled. "That felt… good." She smiled. "You grew up on Earth, right?" Shepard remembered. "I miss the blue sky, and swings. I use to swing in this small city park in New York, I think I might go back to earth for a bit after this. Not to New York City, most people would have me killed if I go back, but maybe somewhere in the country." She began to kiss his neck.

"Maybe I could go with you." He smiled, feeling her warm lips climb down his neck. "You know I've never met a woman who-"

"Commander." Joker voice boomed through the microphone.

"I'm going to kill that man after this." Shepard whispered, Kaidan tried not laugh as she answered back to Joker.

XXX

Kaidan shook violently at the numbing sensation inside of him. Shepard was dead. They were running, their hands connected but then she turned around and he didn't notice it until it was too late.

"Shepard." He said her name.

Then a large piece of Reaper was in front of him and pushed him off his feet. He thought he was dead but just ended up safe from the rest of the rubble and in a small den formed by the rubble. Liara looked over at him. "Kaidan," She whispered, knowing of how he felt. "I'm so sorry."

Shepard opened her eyes. Her arm felt like shit and was pinned down by rubble. Her ankle was twisted and hurt when she moved it. The worst of the pain came from her ribs and she believed she may have broken some. Her lip was bleeding, along with a cut under her eye and on her eyebrow on the other side. She tasted blood and hurt with bruises all over. She groaned and pulled her arm out from rubble. She breathed heavily, trying not to faint from the pain. She curled in a ball for a bit and tried to block the pain. Then she got up and looked around. She thought of Kaidan and had to know if he was alright. She pushed herself up, groaning in pain as she did and got up. She climbed up the pile of rubble to see Kaidan and Liara, as well as Anderson.

She ran, even though in pain and held Kaidan with her one good arm. He didn't move, for afraid she had broken more than her arm and looked back at the pile of rubble that had just separated them.

XXX

"Can I take this off now?" Shepard frowned as Kaidan guided her somewhere. She was wearing a blindfold, that she put on right when they landed in Vancouver on Earth, and drove his car for an hour before dropping off somewhere and carrying Shepard somewhere.

"No, not until I say so." Kaidan chuckled.

Shepard rubbed her hand on his chest, feeling his muscle and heartbeat. Finally her stopped and put her down and walked away a bit. "Alright now."

She pulled off her blindfold to see an abandon park. It had a swing and a slide and one of those metal play areas to run around as well as the plastic thing you spun on. She smiled and turned around. "You didn't." She looked over to him to see him holding a ring with a small chain holding it.

"I did," Kaidan smiled, putting the necklace on her neck, "My mom use to bring me here every once and a while for a picnic, but they abandon it so the grass overgrew it."

Shepard looked down at the ring. It had a big emerald with purple amethyst surrounding it in a diamond formation. "Is this an engagement ring, Kaidan?" Shepard smiled.

"More like a promise ring." He said, kissing her softly as he did.


End file.
